He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
