I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize