I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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