okay pat passed out under dana's car
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
