When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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