Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
