i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
i believe in u and ur pee
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
