I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
