There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
