Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
