I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
