Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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