You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
