The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
