Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
