My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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