only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
