I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Panties = found
Randomize
