I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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