Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Still dying that you shit outside
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
