Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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