he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
You are a genius and a whore.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
