Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
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