You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
