Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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