She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
