This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
