True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
