I'm really into asian looking animals
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize