i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
