Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
