we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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