I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
