porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
