I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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