Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
