Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
