If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
