he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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