Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
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