i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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