I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
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