all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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