It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
