I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
