we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize