he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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