we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
