We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
