Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
