Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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