Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
