i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
