everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
