I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
