If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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