I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
