She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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