Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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