How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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