Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Randomize
