My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I am midnight drunk by noon
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
