I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
