5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
