He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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