that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
