Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
