I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Randomize
