I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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