Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
