There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
